Its been a very long time since something really moved me. ..since sentiments struck atleast one responsive chord. Gone are the days of butterflies in the stomach feeling or even chills down my spine feeling. . .i feel numb like a corpse. There have been times when my life played out like a movie...preferably a black and white one but the reality is in color and is less well scripted than a movie. This feeling called life drives us all to our finest heights and our darkest depths. . .the joy brings inspiration,creation,passion etc. then comes the pain, unafraid outbursts and so the vicious cycle of giving and receiving everything continues. . .
There are times i wonder why cant we just scream and get violent and let it all out.?why is it that we are civilised? inspite of man and his animal instincts. . .is it because we are here to impress?no it is because this is what we are. . . we civilize ourselves to disguise ourselves and when we cant anymore we raise each other to heights of aggrevation and we tear each other limb from limb. It happens all over be it in war. . .or in relationships. . .anything!
L-o-v-e is the most sought after four letter word. . .people use it so much that i wonder what is the correct definition. I have often mistaken infactuation for love or maybe not. . .how do i knw? right now love to me seemslike a mutual clutching at the lifebelt of the other while drowning in lonliness. . .fearing that if i do give up on it i mite be giving up too soon on something that i actually desire.. . on the contrary i also tend to think that im not up for it. I am seized by melancholy because of my state of mind but im sure it will sublimate into the public sphere like all other thoughts and feelings. . incase it doesnt. . .i will just have to roll in the mud of self pity for a while. ..
Ayn Rand put it simply for me: The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody has decided not to see.
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3 comments:
Emancipate.
So many noble souls, our common ancestry, have spent their lifetimes just for these moments... they went through the physical, mental and spiritual hardships in the hope that we don't have to tread the path again... they must have assumed our genes would assimilate their pearls of wisdom just like we do a language, math or our chores which we imbibed without questioning... wonder why we shield ourselves from taking in something as important and as simple as life principles discovered and echoed by these noble souls though they were separated by geographies... I say echoes as they were all voices of the same truth and derived from the laws of nature, from here and beyond, and which we are part of and ourselves are.... as I say this, I speak not about ur case in particular but of the common affliction... ur blog served to remind it and that I share the malaise too...maybe the horse and water analogy applies... time to go back to the age-old wisdom and if u r tired of so many voices, listen to this one voice which has spent his lifetime hearing, reading and chronicling them all and to our comfort is not so ancient and yet only echoes the same understanding of our ancestry... u might find what u r looking for in his quotes ... http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Will_Durant .... In short, u n we are evolving... u wouldn't be in this state of mind a week down the road just like u r not in the same state of mind now as u were when u sneaked over the hostel wall in the middle of the night in god-forsaken snake-infested land for mangoes.. what were u even thinking?! It beats me!
you're going in the right direction...what u think love is....its just pure infatuation...or even lesser...maybe just raw attraction.... combining that with the constant insecurity that you feel, you do the same mistake again...you get into a relationship...with the wrong person(maybe not)...and you just clutch onto it...that might also be the reason your friends are more important to you...because u dont need to play the whole thing with them and get a feeling of clutching onto them... oh and yea...come out of the civilization...live yourself...not someone who's made up by the whole system...when you see it from the outside, its so clear and simple...
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